does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
