Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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