Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize