I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Michael Bay diarrhea
two words: eviction party
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i out mim tonsoeep
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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