Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
