Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
