so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he was CRYING into my vagina
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
