i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
