i would punch a child for taco bell
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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