did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
