I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
