Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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