He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize