Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
