Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
