i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
