Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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