saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize