I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
