He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
