i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
