Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
