Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
