the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize