Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
