im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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