She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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