you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
