awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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