I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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