my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
