The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
