The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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