He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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