You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
