I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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