Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
