So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she told me i tasted like america
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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