Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
