she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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