Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
