I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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