he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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