I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
