i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
