this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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