It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
