Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
