ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
