I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
