Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
