the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
