it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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