did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
