Where did you get a picture of my penis
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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