WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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