i need an iv and a liver transplant
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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