You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
