I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
