nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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