My liver just broke up with me...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
