Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
