So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
