I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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