he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
