I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
