Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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