So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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