at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
