If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize