Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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