ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
