I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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