Whod you bang
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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