The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
