then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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