DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
