She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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