ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
