how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
