she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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