I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A bitchslap is in order.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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