I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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