dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
