she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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