ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
