You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize