i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
