I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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