READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
