Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
