remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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