I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
