And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
