life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize