he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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