hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
