the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
