i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
