She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
