He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
