too bad you live with your parents still
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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