Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
