Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
