His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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