her vagine was all disorganized.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
