My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
